As always it was with a degree of trepidation that I made my way to the airport. Those of you who have been party to my previous travels will be aware of my rather one-sided relationship with bulkhead seats. You see I am infatuated, some would say obsessed with bulkhead seats. When I consider travel I am a committed monogamist and won't look, even glance at at other seats in my quest to commingle with bulkhead (unless of course I receive a realistic offer from "first" or "business" seats -- I am after all a comfort whore like everyone else!). Unfortunately this feeling is not reciprocated and bulkhead is fickle. When presented with such a wide choice of passenger derrières to choose from she can't resist the temptation of experimenting with others.

And so, aware of the struggle ahead I approach the matchmakers who pair off bums with seats -- "check-in staff". Their usual yardstick of success seems to be more one of volume targets and not so much pairing up particularly suited bums and seats. They make initial attempts to unite me with my desired bulkhead, but inevitably they have to consult the Oracle that is "flight controller". The Oracle usually promises to negotiate with the gods on my behalf and so I am consigned to wait in hope and anticipation!

In this state of limbo I proceed through the formalities involved in international migration before arriving at "the gate". Once again I'm confronted by the matchmakers who invariably report that the Oracle’s negotiations with the gods have been less than fruitful and bulkhead is steadfastly resisting my advances. The matchmakers then perform a time-honoured ritual of re-consulting the Oracle, asking me to at least try some other seat, having a general panic about delaying the flight and finally making contact with the priests and priestesses of "cabin crew" and the high priest "cabin services director". These priests and priestesses then intercede on my behalf directly to bulkhead and, usually miraculously convince the fickle bulkhead to unite with me for at least the duration of this particular trip! Success!

Now ideally I like to have a few minutes alone with bulkhead when I get onto the aeroplane in order to re-establish our acquaintance, but invariably by the time the various rituals have been attended to the other passengers have started to board and even these precious moments are denied me! Such is the nature of my travel.